Happy Ending: A Guide to Asian Massage Parlors
Just about every big city has them, the ubiquitous
Asian Massage Parlor, or “AMP” for short.
They’re easy to spot, convenient, and as close to a
sure thing as you can get. If you need to nut and
don’t want to deal with having to satisfy a woman's
needs, or scheduling with an escort, an AMP is your
best bet.
Here are just a few
benefits of using AMPs:
Ease of Scheduling:
Just drop on by most do not require appointments and
the screening is handled in the waiting room.
***
No References Required
As you may have encountered, many escorts require
references. What a headache and hassle that can be.
Most girls at your local AMP don’t require
references. We’ll cover ways for you to let them
know you are interested in more than a back rub
later. If your girl or the mama-san at the front
desk asks if you’ve been there before, always answer
yes, always say it’s been awhile, and if they ask
for a name, say you didn’t catch her name.
***
Least Risky of all Pay for Play Options
The chances of getting ripped off by a pimp or being
the victim of a “cash and dash” drop to almost nil
when at an AMP. There’s no need to worry about
getting nabbed during a “car date”, and if the AMP
is raided when you get there, you will have time to
get dressed, and unless the police have hidden
cameras, it’s unlikely you’ll be detained for long.
It will be uncomfortable and probably scare the crap
out of you but when all is said and done you will
probably walk out a free man with no arrest record.
I said probably. Probably doesn’t mean definitely.
There is still a chance so if you can’t afford to
get caught, don’t do it.
***
If you find a really good AMP there are many other
benefits as well. For starters, you may get a real
massage. Nothing relaxes a man like a great massage
followed by a secondary release of tension.
When was the last time an escort washed you down on
a shower table? Have you ever had an escort or
streetwalker insist on helping you get dressed and
putting on your shoes when the deed is done? At a
good AMP you will be treated like a king.
Yes, there are some downsides as well...
Before we go too far, and we give the impression
that all AMPs are wonderful places, let’s take a
step back and talk about some of the down sides to
AMPs.
Price
It is possible to negotiate at AMPs but don’t expect
a deep discount. It’s not that difficult talking a
streetwalker down from $100 to $40. With an AMP
though, there is almost always a door fee which in
this area is $40 to $60. The standard total fee is
in the ballpark of $200. These numbers are being
used as a reference point only. The prices in your
area may be different. As you can see, going to an
AMP is not the cheapest thing to do; it falls right
in between an hour with a good escort and several
streetwalker dates.
***
Selection
If you want an escort, you can find one in pretty
much any ethnicity, shape, or size. At AMPs, you
pretty much have one flavor. Many will offer you the
ability to see who’s working but that can be hit or
miss.
***
Non Consent
This is a real hairy one. Some of the girls aren’t
there of their own free will. You have to decide for
yourself if the girl appears to be comfortable with
what she’s doing. Don’t buy the hype though. Nothing
brings in the readers more than a sex slavery
scandal.
Your first AMP Visit...
So you’re ready to visit your first AMP. Where do
you start? The first thing you need to do is find
one!
They Want You to Find Them
Lucky for you they aren’t difficult to spot. In fact
they want you to know that they are there so they
advertise. If your city has an alternative magazine,
you are sure to find ads. Craigslist also has ads in
the Erotic Services section so be sure to look there
as well. Once you have a list of several places that
you are interested in, it’s time to do a little
research. Proper planning makes for a pleasurable
payoff.
***
The internet is your friend
I’m sure you are aware of this internet thingy. Take
the names of the massage parlors that you are
interested in and punch them in your favorite search
engine. Be sure to add the name of your city. There
are probably a hundred listings for “Airport Spa”.
Another great online resource is to find if your
area has a review board. Review boards usually cover
escorts, some cover the street scene, but if you
look around, AMPs may be covered as well.
***
Recon Time
Now that you have a list of a few of the AMPs you
are interested in, you need to see if they are safe
to visit. By safe I mean is it right next door to
where your girlfriend works? Can you get in and out
without bumping into someone you know? These are the
types of things you need to think about when making
your selection.
Taking the Plunge...
You’ve found the AMPs that you want to try and you
are ready and raring to go. Now what? Well, you can
circle the block for an hour trying to work up the
courage to stop in, or you can just get it over with
and make your move!
Part of the anxiety you may be feeling is that you
don’t know what to expect when you walk through the
door. We’ll walk you through step by step what you
can expect. And it all starts with the front desk.
***
Getting past the Mama-san
Most AMPs are set up the same way. They are set up
the way they are for a reason, it works. You will
walk through the door and find yourself in a small
waiting room with a two way mirror or a curtain
covering a window. Behind the curtain is either the
Mama-san or one of the girls. You may have to wait a
minute if they are busy but rest assured, they know
you are there.
The Mama-san will ask how long you want, always go
for the half hour on your first visit. If they offer
table showers or sauna, it’s up to you. If you are
nervous you may want to skip out on all of that
until you’ve had at least one successful trip under
your belt. Once you pay the fee you will be led back
to a room. The room will be dimly lit and mood music
will probably be playing. There should be a massage
table in the room covered by a towel and you will be
told to get ready.
Here’s where it gets interesting. She probably won’t
come back right away. You may have to wait up to ten
minutes, which when you are lying naked on a massage
table, worrying that the cops are coming in any
minute, can seem like an eternity.
***
Show her why you’re there:
Your masseuse is going to be worried that you are a
cop. She may not know if you really want to have a
happy ending or if you’re there for a massage. This
is your chance to let her know. Instead of stripping
down to your tighty whities, strip down bare and get
on the table face down, with your package tucked
down between your legs so she can see it. That will
remove all doubt in her mind and it will be up to
her to make the next move either before or after the
“flip”.
***
The fabulous “Flip”
If she’s good, she will have teased you rock hard
while you’re face down. When she finishes with your
back she’ll ask you to flip over. Let her run her
hands over you for awhile, eventually she’ll ask if
you want anything extra. Now you need to ask
yourself what you want. Do you want the full meal
deal or maybe just a tug? Let her know and she’ll
name a price. Once the price is agreed to she’ll
leave again. Yes, again. She’s going to get the
supplies but sometimes it can seem like an eternity.
Be patient, keep calm, and for god’s sake, don’t
misfire while you’re waiting!
***
The Negotiation
The first price that she quotes you is the price she
hopes you will pay. She will take lower so long as
it’s not a ridiculously low amount. But she isn’t
going to watch you walk out if you offer a fair
price. There’s a trick to it though. You need to
keep money in a few different places. Keep the bulk
of your money in your wallet but a little under the
going rate. If you find that in your area the going
rate is $200, keep $160 in your wallet so that when
you offer the $160 you can show her it’s all that
you’ve got. Keep a total of $40 in your pockets, one
for each pocket. That way you can bump it up in $20
increments until you are both happy with the price.
Not all girls will negotiate. I’ve had some real
ball busters who I’ve walked out on. It’s part of
the game. If this is the first time you are playing
it, you may want to get your AMP cherry popped
before you start in with the negotiating.
***
The Cleanup
This is where you will get a real shock. You’ve just
banged the crap out this girl, now she’s helping you
get dressed and even insists on putting on your
shoes. That is something you will NEVER experience
with a street walker and almost never with an
escort, especially not an escort under the age of
thirty.
There’s more to the cleanup though. If you have
someone in your life that you would rather not know
about your activities, you better have a place you
can get in a quick shower. Women can smell another
woman’s juices. If there’s no place you can go, be
sure to puff down a full pack of Marlboros or spill
a little gas when filling you tank. The best bet
though is to time your visit when you can get home
and take a shower before she gets home.
***
Staying Safe
As with all sexual activities, there is an STD risk
involved. If you see any sores on her whatsoever,
just say no. Herpes is permanent and impossible to
explain away to a spouse of girlfriend. Always use a
cover. These girls see over a thousand men a year.
They HAVE come in contact with someone with an STD.
That doesn’t’ meant that they actually have one but
the likelihood is much greater than in the general
population.
In Conclusion
The AMP is a great way to get your feet wet before
taking the plunge with escorts or street walkers.
The risk of arrest is lower than with streetwalkers
or escorts and they cannot be beat when it comes to
being taken care of. Street walkers have a hard time
hiding their hate, escorts tend to hustle and up
sell. But AMPs get it right. They know who pays the
bills and don’t mind taking care of the men who pay
them.
Please note, there have been a number of recent
stings of so called “micro AMPs”. Never forget that
there is no guarantee of safety from law enforcement
at an AMP.
Whether it be from the risk of arrest or risk of
STDs, you may very well discover that pay for play
just isn’t your deal. If you’ve got a terrible case
of horny and don’t want to take care of it alone,
there are options other than one on one physical
contact. Peep shows can be had online in the privacy
of your own home and most adult dating sites have
chat rooms where you can get your freak on with a
freaky lady.
